Lisa can't come to the blog - her wiring's been blown by too much therapy. Would you like to leave a message?

In the last two days, I've done it all in the name of local programming.

I've been hypnotized, magnetized, lasered and acupunctured. I have a needle in my ear, which I am supposed to press if I get any untoward urges. My chi is racing along its many meridians like a teenager on bloody 8th street.

Those of you tuning into Shaw TV wednesday and thursday will get to experience it all with me. Yes, Mom; that means you.