Or maybe an etch-a-sketch would do

I need to go and buy an expensive laptop computer right now. I need to have my very own computer. You know why? Because writing on these workplace computers makes me write weaselly (word?). Honestly. I come to Melvin TV, or the Mothership, or some other pseudonym-bearing media outlet and use their computers and it all comes out squashed and guilty and brief. I want to write big, proud sentences with many commas - perhaps even the odd semicolon, but one wants to be careful with that sort of thing - and I want to do it on a Gateway laptop with a bazillion megs of ram or hzs of pzdtsrxs or what have you. It must be fancy, perhaps with a small marsupial inside who chirps when I've gone too far onto a tangent.

Kevin got one. And that clearly means that I should have one, too. Kevin is a famous blogger and probably the next goddamn Hemingway (or maybe Salinger. I hope that doesn't offend you, Kevin. I'm not trying to say that your writing could inspire assassins or anything. I'm just saying it reminds me a bit of Franny and Zooey in places. It's good.)

Hey, listen. Time's a-wastin'. I have to go to CompuSnare and get my semicolon machine. That line of credit's not doing any good just sitting there.