blessed are the easily amused

Thursday, September 09, 2004

it's cold out there

Children on avenue G are blown to school at 9:00 on a cold, cloudy morning. They start out meandering. But soon the kid with no jacket loses patience with the cold and begins to run. The rest of the pack follows suit, charging into the day. They are tough. They are adaptable. They are someone else's. There is no good reason for the sudden heaviness in my chest.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is a great post - Sean

Fri Sep 10, 08:54:00 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Darlin', I think there is.

In the rain and wind, Nigel stands hunched in that blue uniform - his first game - for a full two hours. He is the only player that does not make it onto the field - at all. The spectators are huddled together against the dastardly cold, swaddled in blankets and layers of warm clothing. I can see the red of his hands from across the field.

It used to be that I could scoop him up and rescue him from nasty situations, stroke his silky curls and kiss his sweet little face. I want to swoop down like a raptor, grab his jersey in my motherly talons and drop him at the kitchen table in front of the pie that is still wafting it's pumpkinny sweetness about the kitchen. But instead I stand in the fucking rain, reminding myself not to call him "honey" in front of his friends.

During the night, he shouts and mumbles in fevered dreams. He wakes up sick, and I help him into my warm bed, stroke his arm until he drifts into a restless sleep again... my god, I love that crazymaking boy so that it aches in my bones. Its a tradeoff - the heaviness in your chest for a love that almost blows you apart it's force is so relentless.

I almost bought a highchair at the thrift store yesterday... decided not to because, well, I don't have a baby. But I thought of you, I have to admit. We certainly don't all need babies - should not all have babies- but if you want one, I will be the auntie, and that is a promise.( Damn, now I'm bawling). Love you little sis, lane

Fri Sep 10, 09:34:00 AM

Blogger lisa said...

Oh, Lane - Nige is a good person and I think he's going to find happiness. How can he not, with such a compassionate, smart and good humoured mom? Sucks that he didn't make it onto the field. Did he feel pretty devastated? Or did he think it was just part of the deal, and partly because of his fucked-up foot? let's talk over beer.

Fri Sep 10, 10:02:00 AM

Blogger Dar said...

Over-emotional, hormone-filled pregnant woman here. Easy with the sentiment, ladies. Elaine, you made me gasp and weep with this one.

Sat Sep 11, 09:56:00 AM


Post a Comment

<< Home